Why You Should Never Foster Kittens
Today’s society is completely gaga over kittens and puppies. Everyone coos whenever they see a cute little kitten falling over and romping around the house. But those lucky bastards don’t actually have to raise the energetic little nuggets. Of course kittens are adorable when you only get to spend an hour with them. It’s when you have to live with them and raise them that they become a pain.
A couple years back I decided that it would be a great idea to foster kittens. I too had been sucked in by their irresistible cuteness and their baby like meows. So I marched myself over to the local human society and volunteered to raise the poor tiny orphaned kitties until they were old enough to go to permanent homes. I didn’t stop to think about what I was getting myself into.
When you go in to foster kittens, they don’t tell you about all of the pain and misery that you are inevitably going to suffer via those furry little demons. The humane society made it sound like raising the kittens was going to be a piece of cake. They lied to me. It was not a piece of cake. It was torture.
I learned from firsthand experience that raising kittens can be exhausting, disgusting, and can leave you with scars. After I talked to the organization, I came home with three little bundles of joy, George, Jabba, (he was the pudgiest of the three) and Toby. I was thinking to myself, ‘things can’t get much better than this’. And I was right. They didn’t get better, they got worse.
After I got the kittens home, they immediately proceeded to tear up my expensive furniture with their tiny little claws. For tiny little things they sure could do a lot of damage. Not only did they tear up my furniture, but they also tore up my skin as well. Apparently, I was their favorite scratching post. They didn’t even use the one that I bought for them. They preferred to clamber up my legs and cling there while I walked around the house. And yes, all three of them did that: at the same time. My arms, legs, and stomach are covered with tiny little scars from those little demons.
Not only did the kittens practically mutilate me to death, but they also preferred to upchuck everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I literally mean everywhere. Apparently kittens have delicate stomachs and are easily upset. I found this out the hard way when I got out of bed one night to pee and promptly landed my foot in cat vomit. Needless to say, it was pretty disgusting.
Kittens are also extremely impatient. George was especially so. If the cat litter box wasn’t perfectly clean, he would pee on my rug, my couch, my bed, or anything else that was nearby. He seriously could not wait five more minutes until I cleaned out the damn litter box? Kittens also love to track litter everywhere. They get it stuck in their paws, or they scratch around in it for hours, all the time kicking litter out the entrance of their litter box. If I had known they were going to do this, I would have made sure that I got cat litter boxes that had a flap door or something. That would have cut down on the particles of kitty litter that I always found on my couch.
All of this, and I haven’t even gotten to the worst part of it. You spend every day with the boogers, cleaning up after them and their puke, and then all of a sudden you are expected to hand them back over to the humane society so that they can go to someone else, a person who doesn’t even know them! The worst part of fostering kittens is having to say goodbye. As monstrous as they are, they really are cute. They get into so much trouble, but they have you rolling on the floor because they do the silliest things. And after you’ve already gotten used to their monstrous ways, you’re expected to hand them over. As evil as George, Jabba, and Toby were, I couldn’t bear to give them up. I knew them. I had bonded with them. I wasn’t about to let them be taken away by a random stranger who might not even treat them right. So I talked to the humane society, and I ended up adopting and keeping all three of the demons. Yes, they may have been evil, but they are older now and less evil. And the sad part of this horrid experience? I would do it all over again.